Hello; I have no idea if you will ever exist but I know that you are there somewhere deep down in my soul; smiling, laughing and being you. My heart yearns for you and the feelings I have for wanting you are so overwhelming, I just don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking about you and it makes me sad that I may never get to meet you.
Before I go on, let me tell you some more about your family. First off there’s P, that’s your dad. He’s very loving, enjoys sport (in particular, surfing, running, swimming, cricket and going to the gym) and is very hard working. Then we have J, he’s your oldest brother. He enjoys playing tennis and football and goes to clubs after school to polish up on his skills. He’s into lots of things from Star Wars to The Muppets and The Wizard of Oz and he’s enjoying reading the Roald Dahl books. Next up there’s N, he’s a little chatterbox (although we can only understand 60% of what he’s saying!) and a very strong willed little boy. He tends to like whatever J’s into, so he’ll happily sit there and watch The Muppets & Star Wars. His favourite film at the moment is Despicable Me. He loves to run around and make lots of noise. Finally, there is me, your mum. What can I say about me, I love most things crafty and I really enjoy sewing. I’m constantly searching Pinterest for new and fresh ideas of things to make & do.
Back to it; I know I’m very lucky to have your two brothers (after your 2nd brother came along, I was very ill and 14mths after he was born I had to have an operation to rectify the illness. Although I will be on medication for the rest of my life I’m pleased to say that I am 100% better now). They are lovely and caring boys but don’t let that little facade fool you, they are hard work at times, they test me to my limits on numerous occasions and I often have to raise my voice at them but there are times when they are just wonderful. The sad thing is, I can’t help but feel that there is something missing, something equally as lovely as them; yep that’s right, it’s you #3!
Let me tell you, motherhood isn’t a walk in the park there are plenty of trials and tribulations to be had, especially in a house full of boys! There’s plenty of shouting, screeching, laughing and generally lots of noise in this house – it’ll give your eardrums a good testing, it wouldn’t surprise me if you haven’t already experienced the noise from whenever you are.
If by some miracle you do ever grow inside of me I know there may be some complications as a result of my illness. I have no doubt that the wonderful people at the hospital will keep a very watchful eye over you & I, they would make sure that I was receiving the best care to keep us both safe. I am under no illusion that the first 18mths would be easy; the sleepless nights, the issues that come with breast feeding (for me anyway), the juggling of my time between 3 of you – although I know that in the first 6mths you would just slot in and go with the flow.
I’m feeling particularly sad at the moment, it seems that everyone around me is pregnant and I’m finding it really hard. I want it to be ME but it’s not.
So, my darling #3 wherever you are, I hope that you are happy and healthy.