Crafty creation

I’m feeling a little bit down at the moment and I can’t help thinking if things had worked out, what would I be doing now?

In an attempt to take my mind off of things, I’m in the process of planning a bag that I am going to make.  So far I have drawn my template (an owl, I have a thing for owls) and I’ve cut out the eyes in white and brown felt.  I was planning on using a cream felt but I only had a small amouth left, which was large enough to make one circle and not the two that I need.  I may pop into Hobbycraft after work one day next week to buy some more cream felt, after all it’s always good to have stash of felt!  Once it’s all put together, I can decide whether or not to add a button onto the eyes.  I also need to cut the beak out of some yellow/dirty yellow felt.

I’ve got my brown corded fabric for the main body of the owl and I need to decide what contrasting fabric I’m going to use.  At  the moment I have a nice blue/white stripey fabric (think of a deck chair) or a lovely beige floral fabric.  If I go for the floral fabric then I’ll definitely need to change the whites of the eyes to cream.

Trouble is, I can only do this sort of thing when my children are either in bed or not around.  Usually, by the time they are in bed, I’m exhausted!  At the moment, I am planning on starting it next Thursday after I’ve finished work.  I have a ‘few’ hours to myself before I have to head upto the school to pick the eldest up.

I shall update you with my progress soon

Arghhh!

Whilst I’ve been busy doing other stuff, N (almost 3) has been sitting at the dinning room table with a pot and a plate from his kitchen filled with mud.  Which he has then mixed his juice into and made a right old mess.  The table is covered with juice puddles and stray bits of mud and N himself is covered in it too.

Now, he’s been doing this for about 10 mins before J (almost 6) decides to come and tell me.  Why do my children do this to me.  I swear they enjoy being told off, as they’re constantly doing things that will end up with them getting into trouble.

Also, N seems to find it funny to push everyone at the moment.  His brother, his friends and even me.  I’m reaching the end of my tether with him at the moment and I find myself shouting at him more and more but it doesn’t seem to phase him at all.  He tends to just laugh in my face!

I know that kids are kids but my two really know how to push this to it’s limits!

I’m very envious of those people who say their children are so well behaved.

To my mythical child #3

Hello; I have no idea if you will ever exist but I know that you are there somewhere deep down in my soul; smiling, laughing and being you.  My heart yearns for you and the feelings I have for wanting you are so overwhelming, I just don’t know what to do.  I can’t stop thinking about you and it makes me sad that I may never get to meet you.

Before I go on, let me tell you some more about your family.  First off there’s P, that’s your dad.  He’s very loving, enjoys sport (in particular, surfing, running, swimming, cricket and going to the gym) and is very hard working.  Then we have J, he’s your oldest brother.  He enjoys playing tennis and football and goes to clubs after school to polish up on his skills.  He’s into lots of things from Star Wars to The Muppets and The Wizard of Oz and he’s enjoying reading the Roald Dahl books.  Next up there’s N, he’s a little chatterbox (although we can only understand 60% of what he’s saying!) and a very strong willed little boy.  He tends to like whatever J’s into, so he’ll happily sit there and watch The Muppets & Star Wars.  His favourite film at the moment is Despicable Me.  He loves to run around and make lots of noise.  Finally, there is me, your mum.  What can I say about me, I love most things crafty and I really enjoy sewing.  I’m constantly searching Pinterest for new and fresh ideas of things to make & do.

Back to it; I know I’m very lucky to have your two brothers (after your 2nd brother came along, I was very ill and 14mths after he was born I had to have an operation to rectify the illness.  Although I will be on medication for the rest of my life I’m pleased to say that I am 100% better now).  They are lovely and caring boys but don’t let that little facade fool you, they are hard work at times, they test me to my limits on numerous occasions and I often have to raise my voice at them but there are times when they are just wonderful.  The sad thing is, I can’t help but feel that there is something missing, something equally as lovely as them; yep that’s right, it’s you #3!

Let me tell you, motherhood isn’t a walk in the park there are plenty of trials and tribulations to be had, especially in a house full of boys!  There’s plenty of shouting, screeching, laughing and generally lots of noise in this house – it’ll give your eardrums a good testing, it wouldn’t surprise me if you haven’t already experienced the noise from whenever you are.

If by some miracle you do ever grow inside of me I know there may be some complications as a result of my illness.  I have no doubt that the wonderful people at the hospital will keep a very watchful eye over you & I, they would make sure that I was receiving the best care to keep us both safe.   I am under no illusion that the first 18mths would be easy; the sleepless nights, the issues that come with breast feeding (for me anyway), the juggling of my time between 3 of you – although I know that in the first 6mths you would just slot in and go with the flow.

I’m feeling particularly sad at the moment, it seems that everyone around me is pregnant and I’m finding it really hard.  I want it to be ME but it’s not.

So, my darling #3 wherever you are, I hope that you are happy and healthy.

xxxx

Has it really been 7 months?!

Wow, I hadn’t realised it had been so long since I’ve posted anything on here.

So let me start by saying Happy New Year one and all! 

I’m pleased that 2011 has been and gone.  It’s a year that I’d like to forget, infact I’d go as far as saying I’d like it to be erased completely for all of time!  It dealt me a crappy hand from start to finish.

Anyway, enough of that – onwards and upwards

I am still here…. just!

I’ve not blogged for ages, I just haven’t been in the right place or frame of mind recently.

I have been feeling rough on/off since January – with headaches, tiredness, very lethargic, colds, sore throats, coughs and generally just down in the dumps.  I went to see my GP in March, as I thought that maybe I needed to up my daily thyroxine intake.  After receiving the results back and finally getting an appointment to see the GP, I was told that my levels had gone the other way and were now too low!  My daily dosage has since been increased and I have been feeling better – well the tiredness had subsided but it seems to be coming back again <sigh>.

That’s it for now.  Hopefully, I’ll be back on in a day or two with another post!

Christening ahoy!

J was christened when he was 10 months old and we were hoping to get N done around the same age.  Unfortunately due to my illness last year we weren’t able to do this.  We had hoped to sort it for the end of 2010 but the vicar at our local church (the one where we got married and J was christened) went on a well deserved sabbatical for 4 months.  He returned in December but with Advent being a busy time and Christmas fast approaching, the christening wasn’t going to happen in 2010!

Once we’d chosen N’s godparents and worked out dates when they were available P finally called the vicar to organise the date -Sunday 1st May 2011!  So with that sorted and the 4 godparents informed of the date, I set about writing a list of people to invite, clothes to be worn/bought, presents to buy for the godmothers (the godfathers are being bought their Ghillie shirts to wear with their kilts), food and entertainment/goodie bags for the kids who are coming.

With that done, next came the making of the invitations.  I already had an idea in my head of what I wanted so I made a sketch or two of the design.  I had to get some pictures of N printed (Boots do a multi print where you can 9 pics on one 6×4 print, which was ideal as I needed a small picture of him to sit underneath the bee), then I had to get some black, yellow & green card, 2 circular punches (one for cutting out the picture and the other for the bee’s body/stripes), green ribbon and some cellophane wrapping (with white spots on for the wings).  Luckily I already had the cards and envelopes and printed off the inside wording on some blue paper at work.

• invitiations sent – CHECK!



• all replies received – CHECK!

 

A quick and easy one next – the Ghillie shirts!  Checked what size the two godfathers & P wanted, went online and ordered!  J is already sorted, thank godness.  N proved a little more difficult, as there just didn’t seem to be anything that I liked or in his size.  On a shopping trip with my mum a few weeks ago, I found a lovely blue shirt (with dark blue dots), tie and waistcoat set which was perfect.  The trousers they had, didn’t go, so I ended up teaming it with a pair of black cords (it does look lovely).  With everyone else sorted it was over to me, I knew I wanted a vintage dress and had seen a lovely one that was ideal but somebody beat me too   I ended up finding a lovely petrol green dress.  I already have a pair of pewter heels, that I bought before Christmas and apart from a belt that’s me sorted too <phew>!

I started sorting out goody bags (which I’m making myself) and have a good stash of presents already to go in them (we’ve only got 5 children coming, so it means I can spend a little more on gifts for them).  I just need to get some punch balloons, soft balls (for the two younger boys), sweets/chocolates, bubbles and will be making some cupcakes or caterpillar heads to put in them too.

My mum is sorting out all the food so I’ll be sitting down with her in the next week or two to work out the exact food I’d like.  All I have to do, is bake some different breads and make the christening cake and  I’ve already made my mind up that I want to do a snowman for him (long story but for everyone who knows him will understand why).

One of the others things I need to sort out is the possibility of getting a bouncy castle in my parents garden for the kids (and adults ) to enjoy.

I can’t believe there’s only 3 weeks to go!!!

The deed is done!

It’s taken me a while to get round to writing this up, as I’m still trying to get my head around it.

I met with SiL last week and told her exactly how I was feeling.  I think she was a little surprised at me telling her how upset I am about not being asked to be a bridesmaid!  She did her usual undermining/I’m not really sure what you mean look and then started saying that she couldn’t quite comprehend the whole thing?!  W.T.F!  Surely that’s obvious, isn’t it?  At one point she told me that she was flattered.  I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be flattered by someone (who I hadn’t asked to be a bridesmaid) being SO upset, I’d be feeling VERY guilty.

Aparently she’d written a list of all her possible bridesmaids (a list of 8-10 people, so I’m led to believe) and had to choose from those, as she couldn’t possibly have everybody.  She’s picked the 4 who have done the most for her (she’s obviously forgotten the number of times both Paul and I have given up our weekends to help them move flats, sorted out holidays, presents and loads of other stuff).  She hasn’t really been on speaking terms with one of them for the past 18+ mths, which I’m finding hard to get my head around why she’s asked her.  She’s already sat down with 3 of the other unlucky candidates and explained this to them.  She had absolutely no intention of saying any of this to me, it’s only due to the fact that I’ve told her how upset I am that she’s told me the reason and  I’m really angry about that.

I did find out that MiL had said that I was thinking of not going to the wedding.  She told me that she thought her mum was fibbing but when I said she wasn’t her face was a picture – lol!  She then started saying that I had to be there and that I shouldn’t be like that, blah, blah, blah.  I told her that I couldn’t possibly make my mind up yet as to whether or not I’ll be there on the day.

She then had the CHEEK to ask me if it was to do with the dresses!  Ihave, in the past asked to borrow clothes from her for weddings and other events, as my wardrobe was very limited and she’s got 100′s of clothes.  I was a little shocked to be honest, as the dresses have got nothing to do with this at all.

I spoke to P when I got home and told him that I’d met her and explained everything she said.  It’s lucky I did, as later that afternoon he received an email asking him to give her a call.  She basically turned it all back on him (which has made me even angrier), saying that I didn’t feel loved, I wasn’t eating, sleeping and that I’d been ill (the last statement is true, I’ve been feeling like crap for the past 6 weeks and it’s all due to her not P!).  He did tell her that she should’ve explained her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid when we saw them at the end of January and asked her if she had any intention of telling me this, if I hadn’t spoken to her first – she changed the subject very quickly apparently (guilty conscience maybe?).  She also told him that I have to be there on the wedding day and he told her that he and the boys will be there but if I didn’t want to go then he wasn’t going to make me and reiterated to her, exaclty how upset I am about it.

I’ve now said all I have to say to her and although I know that she won’t change her mind and ask me.  The ball is most definitely in her court now.

Being brave

After numerous conversations with very close friends I’ve arranged to meet with SiL next week and I’m going to be telling her exactly how I feel about this whole wedding business.  I’m not planning on being nasty at all, I’m just going to be straight, honest and upfront with her.  I think that once I’ve spoken to her, I’m going to feel 100 times better.

I know it’s her day, etc… but she stuck her nose into my wedding planning so much that we ended up changing things to please/suit her and MiL, so I think I’m allowed this one little moan to her about hers!

On another note, I received an email yesterday from ‘Team Bridesmaid’ (which was just another kick in the teeth for me) about her Hen Do.  In a way I was hoping that I wouldn’t be invited, seeing as I’m not an important person in SiL’s eyes but I have and I now need to make a decision whether I should go or not.

Surprise, surprise I was right!

Following on from my last post, I was absolutely correct with my last comment.

P spoke to my MiL and she told him that she wasn’t going to say anything to my SiL.  I feel REALLY let down by P and my MiL (who only a few days ago was saying to Paul that she wanted to treat me in the same way she does SiL – well she’s failed at the first hurdle, hasn’t she?!).  I actually sent P an email whilst I was at work yesterday, saying how upset I was at them both for not saying anything.  Funnily enough, he hasn’t spoken to me about said email – may be he’s finally realised how angry I am about it all, or is that wishful thinking?!

I had a stinking headache all day yesterday, which was stressed related (due to this stupid wedding!) .  I ended up going to bed at just gone 7pm, as I couldn’t face being awake.

I know I shouldn’t let this bug me as much as it is but I just can’t help it.  I guess I was being naive and giving my SiL the benefit of the doubt (everyone has always said that she is a selfish person).

Can’t help but feel upset!

This has been bugging me so I thought it might help if I wrote down eaxctly how I was feeling, as I fear Paul is getting thoroughly pissed off with me being so down about it.

My SiL is getting married in July, which is great as she’s been with her fiance for a long time (I’m talking 10 years +) and he’s a lovely guy and we get on very well.  At my wedding, they were both heavily involved – she was one of my bridesmaids and he was an usher (both of which were very important roles in our wedding).

We saw them on Boxing Day, went out for a walk with them and there was not one mention of their wedding at all (when they got engaged back in 2009, he immediately asked his brothers to be his bestmen but nothing from my SIL)!  A few weeks later, we went round to my Inlaws and my MiL started asking me lots of questions about my wedding:

• how many hairdressers did I have?
• did people do their own make up or did someone else do it for me/us?
• how much did my dresses cost?
• you get the gist!

P was intrigued as to why she was asking all these questions, so asked her and she said SiL wanted to know as she was going to be having 4 bridesmaids and herself and wanted an idea of how much things were going to cost.  I thought it was a bit strange that SiL hadn’t asked me these questions herself, although in the back of my mind I sort of knew why.

Roll on to yesterday when we met up with MiL, FiL, SiL and soon to be BiL to watch my MiL have her flying lesson (which was a birthday present from SiL/BiL).  After the flight, we went to the cafe at the airfield and had a nice warm drink.  After people had drunk/consumed chocolate muffins (I resisted the urge as I’m trying to be good) BiL turned around to Joshua and Paul and asked if they and Noah would like to be Ushers at their wedding.  Joshua immediately said ‘NO!’ (he’s only 4.5 yrs and doesn’t know what an usher is.  I think he was wanting to be a page boy, like he was at his godparents wedding in Sept) but P said ‘Yes, lovely’.  In all honestly Noah will have only just turned 2 yrs and he’s a little too young to be an usher (so I need to speak to SiL/BiL and decline this).  So then SiL turns around to me and said ‘so we were thinking that as you like taking pictures, you could take the photographs for us!’, my reaction to this was ‘Oh!’  It probably wasn’t what they were expecting to hear from me but I was disappointed that I wasn’t being asked to be a bridesmaid.

Now, I am not and never will be a professional photographer.  I LOVE taking photos, don’t get me wrong but it’s my hobby and the thought of being solely incharge of taking the photos for what is one of the most important days of a couples life feels me with absolute dread and fear.  If I am being honest (which is why I am writing this all down), I will resent having to take photos of the bridesmaids, knowing that I wasn’t thought of to be included in the bridal party.  It would also mean that I’d have to be all nicey, nicey with them and I just cant do that.  If she’s asked the girls I’m thinking of, she’s known 1 of them longer than me!

I know it’s not their fault as it’s SiL who has chosen them but I just can’t help but feel upset, angry, disappointed, bitter, offended and extremely mad.  I just feel like grabbing hold of my SiL and screaming all of this at her, so that she can see how much she has upset me.

When P and I got married SiL (and MiL) wern’t happy about a few things and both made their thoughts/feelings known to P and we changed some of our plans for them (I so wished we hadn’t done this now but hindsight is all well and good).  I seriously doubt P will say anything to his sister (she has a VERY short fuse) and now I’m starting to doubt that MiL will say anything on my behalf either.